come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
