So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
