All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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