I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
