You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
