Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
