you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
