I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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