I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
