i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
