its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This baby is an asshole
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
