Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
