That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
