After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
