I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
