DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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