Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
