Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
