I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
