Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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