so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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