I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
