From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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