You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
