adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
