I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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