are you so shy because you have an std?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
