If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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