I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
