Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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