That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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