I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You did what with his pubic hair?
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