Im at strip club and am horny
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
