He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
