He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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