dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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