So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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