Someone shit on the floor
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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