I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
