Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize