she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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