I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't deserve a penis
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
