I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
