Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
