I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
