remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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