Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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