this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think weed is turning my hair brown
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
