Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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