Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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